


Daydream / Wetdream / Nightmare

by percyval



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Derogatory Language, Developing Relationship, Eggsy's POV, F/M, Homophobic Language, Let's just pretend Charlie doesn't completely suck, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Partying, Teenage Drama, Teenage Rebellion, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-07 21:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7729984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/percyval/pseuds/percyval
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the past three months I've been having a down-low friendship with Charlie Hesketh, the only Hesketh who doesn't do anything besides his retired grandparents. He's such a snob, such an entitled prick that doesn't understand when to be serious or when he should act like a decent human being. But I'm also starting to like him, I may be overreacting, but he doesn't seem like such a jackarse anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Take My Hand

**Author's Note:**

> My Cheggsy-shipping ass has decided that yes, the best course of action right now is to post this trainwreck.
> 
> Also high school AU's. I am not talented writer who works beyond horizons--I am legit just working with everything I know best: high school drama, relationship drama, and gay. This should be working for somebody.
> 
> Update: The title has been changed from "Avalanche" to "Daydream / Wetdream / Nightmare" It's not a new story, but I have taken the liberty of editing the second chapter because I was a bit disappointed in it. Have to work for that Charlie redemption arc.

_When I walk away, I don't feel sad. I feel almost a bit powerful, knocking him down like that to where he actually looked a bit in pain. It's all I could ever wish for after the shit he did to me._

* * *

Charlie Hesketh has pretty much always been someone I absolutely despise. I hate his voice, I hate his face, I hate his stupid clique and I hate his picturesque reputation. No history of violence, no history of drugs or alcohol, he gets a squeaky clean permanent record because his dad is loaded and the police around here are so fucking prepared to bend over backwards for a rich snob.

I can't say I'm surprised his fuck ups haven't been documented, though. He's self-destructive, almost as self-destructive as they come. I've ended up at his parties, and I've seen his lips curled round a keg nozzle. Of course he couldn't handle it and toppled over vomiting a minute later, but otherwise he was acting pretty fucking macho. Double-fisting multiple drinks as the night went on, until he kicked us all out and told us to never come back.

There isn't much I can say I enjoy about his presence. He enjoys insulting me, he loves to harass my friends, and he finds torment to be incredibly satisfying. I wouldn't say it'd be a stretch to assume he'd be some sort of sadist in the bedroom when he finally figures out what BDSM means.

There's just nothing positive I can say about him. He can't keep to himself, he brags about his family and his position in the community, Dad being in some government job that I couldn't care less about. Mum's a former actress, a minor one at that, and his older brother is on some local rugby team that's made him a legend here. And Charlie has yet to prove himself as anything. He's got not one talent, all he really has is his attitude and nothing else. No interest in any subject, likely going to be jobless and happily living off his family's earnings. So fucking good for him.

I can pass him by and only barely hope he won't stop and come back to berate me in some tired way that he's already tried three or four times this week. Because I can't react violently, and I can't tell him off, or else I will indefinitely get expelled. Because of this cocky dumbass.

In college, everyone has to be thrown together with people they hate, but it seems like I have to see Charlie most often, even more than my friends or people I just don't know. In the halls, during lunch, before and after school, in every imaginable situation I find him.

Even hiding out in the fucking library, he found a way to sniff me out and loudly talk about how much of a cunt I am. It's only a matter of time until he incites an outburst from me. One that will involve his face bloodied and bruised, to the point no girl will faun over him for a long time. Enough to where I am completely satisfied and I likely wouldn't have to see him again.

If only I'd ended up in more fortunate circumstances. I'd be able to get away with it.

Stupid fucking rich boy. If only his face hadn't been burned into my brain, I'd be able to go about my day peacefully.

If he could also pick up other hobbies beyond talking about me within the vicinity of me, that'd be just lovely. It makes me wonder if he thinks about me as much as I end up thinking about him. But my mates have joked that he's got some kind of weird crush on me, and that's why he thinks he has to bully me every waking moment of his life. He does certainly dedicate a lot of his time to bugging me.

It never even started as him hating me. We'd sit next to each other in class, not even acknowledge each other. The first time he ever spoke to me he approached me after school and asked if he could borrow notes. I told him I'd send him them on Facebook, but once he went through the page he must have decided I was worth all of his time.

He wasn't rude until a few weeks later, when he told me I must whore myself out like a proper rent boy. I shrugged it off, and we didn't talk for another few weeks. It took him a while to come up with enough insults to properly argue with me.

Now, everyday I just block him out. I'm not even sure what he says anymore, but each phrase is cliche and overused. I know it. Joking about my family being poor, my mum being a slut, more about me being a whore, enough bringing up drinking and smoking.

He's come up with nothing that really shocks me. Yeah, he said shit about my mum, but he doesn't know her, it doesn't bug me.

* * *

Now, I see him slowly coming up to me during lunch. Well-dressed, posh as ever, and that smug smirks is pressed into his face. Oh god, he's worked all night on this one.

He sets his arse down on the bench, a safe enough distance away from me, but still fairly close. His friends have circled round the both of us, and I try to mentally prepare myself for whatever the fuck he's going to say to me now.

"You're a fag, aren't you, Unwin?"

I turn to him, and fake a smile before turning back to my phone.

"Hitting up guys on Grindr? Huh?"

I roll my eyes, but he doesn't catch it. He moves in a bit closer, and his friends keep moving in closer. I'm starting to feel a bit claustrophobic as I'm ganged up on.

"We know you're gay, just admit it. I'll leave you alone, then." I glance over at him, and he's smirking with that offensive grin of his.

I get up, and his goons follow my every move. I make a turn, walking down another hall, and they keep following. From a safe distance, of course, so to anyone else it just looks like they're going the same direction as me. I'd happily turn to them and tell them to return to their leader, but they'd try something, without a doubt.

So, I've got nothing I can do. I'm only one tiny kid. I can't take on three guys each about two or three inches taller.

Now I've just got to stand there until lunch is over and we all go to class.

Charlie slips in after a minute or two, and he takes my phone from me. My dumb ass decided no password was the best way to go, and I have to cringe as Charlie goes through my phone. A guy who'd use anything against me, and now he has access to every private picture and thing I've saved to my phone. And I can't do _anything_.

I want to deck him and run away, but of course I can't. His face goes unharmed for another day.

His friends gather round, and watch as he flicks through every image, thoroughly disappointed. His eyes spark up after a while, though, and he finds a picture he likes. He grins, and moves towards me, turning it to me.

My naked chest, but it's hard to tell it's me.

"Well, what do we have here?" He questions, his tone turning a mocking kind of coy.

I furrow my brow.

"You think it's hot, huh?"

 _Shit_. Shit shit shit shit I let it slip.

He grimaces, and turns the phone back to himself. His friends can't see anything, and I can't, either. He types a bit, and then gives my phone back to me. I glare up at him, though I am curious what he's done now. Once he's walked away with his friends, I attempt to check what he's done.

There's a text log. What I can only guess is his number is on top of it, with the picture of my chest sent to him.

Just like that, he has a picture I never meant anyone to see. He's now suddenly got even more power over me, so easily.

I scowl, it's all I can do. Charlie, that motherfucker, is going to do something big with that picture, without a doubt. Tomorrow I'll come in, everyone will have it, and I'm going to be treated like a slut. Probably give some sob story about how I sent it to him, and tried to convince him to fuck me. That'd be so fucking perfect, wouldn't it? Bringing me down notch by notch, slowly, until even my friends start to believe him and I'm left with nothing. He'd be able to finally wreck my life, just because he had enough power to.

I'm fucked.

* * *

Ryan is the first to text me about a party at Charlie's house.

_ya want 2 crash it??_

It takes me about a moment to decide that I should go. I've seen the amount of alcohol at his parties and even if we can't properly crash it we'll still get incredibly drunk anyway.

**do u need to ask me twice.**

* * *

When we arrive, bright lights are pouring out the windows. A few people are entering, there's a couple on the lawn talking, and I can see a few shadows swaying further into the house. Ryan and Jamal stand beside me, both fairly set on just drinking. I'm not sure what I'm expecting will happen.

In one situation, I punch the fuck out of Charlie, while everyone stands around shocked, filming, or unfazed. It's unlikely, but I do bet it would feel incredibly good.

I all but ditch them once we're inside. B-line for the drinks, I've made up a second situation that I can agree with.

I don't see Charlie, I chill somewhere in the house a few hours drinking, until I can barely stumble home.

That one seems much more likely.

A girl is pouring herself a beer, I think, and I swear I've never seen her dressed this down. Normally she's cardigans and trousers and boots, now she's down to just a small top and some tight shorts. Her hair is teased around her face, and I don't intend it, yet my eyes lock on her tits for a minute. I turn away once she's gotten her drink and she's gone over to a friend, grabbing her and leaning into her while giggling into her drink.

I feel a bit dizzy after two drinks, and lean into the giant sofa set up in the living room. No sight of Charlie, thankfully. I tip back the thin plastic cup, leaning my head back on the head of the couch.

Unconsciously, I grin widely, and I have to say I'm enjoying myself. My friends have likely left me to my own devices, and now I'm happily buzzed. So far, scenario two is winning. I throw myself up onto my feet.

Time feels like it's become slow for me, and only me. Yet, somehow, every thought in my head is rushing past as fast as it possibly can.

The song drumming through the speakers seems to have intentionally turned slow, returned back to it's original tempo, and slowed again. My face turns expressionless as I keep walking through the house. The lights got turned off at some point when I wasn't paying attention, and people are shining their phone's flashlights around. Even the room feels smokey now, but no one is smoking anything at all.

Confusion taints my thoughts. _Where am I? Who are all of you? What the fuck is that guy doing?_

I turn, almost spin a bit, as I step into a room to the left of the living room. It took me a while to get out.

Now, I see those swaying people I noticed earlier. Everyone's so close, cramped up together despite how much room there is around them. It's almost concerning seeing how close some of them are.

A guy tries to take off his shirt while another guy laughs. Three girls grind back-to-back, soundlessly laughing. Everything I'm seeing is too much for me. I fall back against the wall, letting myself relax while the music vibrates through all of me. It's like I'm a part of this scene now, despite feeling like a complete outsider.

I watch the ceiling, violet and cerulean lights flashing across it every now and again.

However much time has passed by, the group dancing has grown to ten more people, now about fifteen people in this room. Their limbs meld together, every movement visible in the air as they move in all kinds of spastic actions. Hair flings round, hips rock and gyrate, and heads are thrown back in ecstasy all while I feel like a voyeur.

I perk up, just enough to notice another figure enter the room, silently.

I'm grabbed by my arm, and I'm now trapped. The figure takes me into another room, away from the rest of the party. I could only assume it's Ryan or Jamal or someone else.

I can't get a proper look, but either way I'm unsure who they are. It's hard to inspect when I'm unsure what's even going on right now.

Maybe something was slipped in one of my drinks. I'm not certain of it, but I do feel out of it.

When the figure stops, I'm standing in a huge bedroom. It's spotless, giant bed, floor-to-ceiling windows, curtains drawn over all of them. I look up, and try to place his face.

Oh. Great. Charlie.

He looks tired, and he looks a little confused, like he's thinking. Strange, for him.

I feel like my buzz died the moment I laid eyes on him. He stares for a few more moments, then looks down. I try to place his expression, but now I can't pick up on what he's feeling.

"What the fuck are you here for?" He asks, and somehow his voice is sincere. Actually sincere. It's strange hearing that kind of tone in his voice.

"Why do _you_ sound like you haven't taken your meds?"

His brow furrows a moment, but then he continues to stand with me. The door is closed. I have no means of escape. I have to stand here and talk to him like he deserves to be treated as a human being. Inside, I do have the unhealthy urge to punch him, a lot, in his face, but right now it's soft and much easier to look at in this state.

"I don't want to keep bugging you."

"Then why'd you call me a fag earlier, you fucking moron?"

He sighs, and opens his mouth to keep speaking.

"I have to keep up appearances, yeah?"

He's talking almost like he's trying to get down on my level.

"What do I care if you want to keep up appearances? It was a dick thing to do. Just let me leave, okay?" I try to walk away, but he grabs me by my arms.

I'm set right in front of him, and he's holding me closer than I'd like to stand to him.

"I'm sorry, then. I'd offer to make it up to you, but I know you'd take advantage of it."

"It's just not easy for you to be nice to me, huh?"

He scowls just slightly but then replaces it with a fairly neutral face.

"I'd like to, but I'm sure you'd fuck me over."

"Like what you did to me."

"I just want us to be less hostile. Could you agree with that?"

"If you weren't some sadist fuck who would do anything to make my life hell. I was just fine being friends with you when you weren't insulting me constantly and always trying to get under my skin."

He looks uncomfortable, that makes me glad, but then he straightens up. Slowly I'm breaking down his exterior.

"I didn't want to do it. But once I got the hang of it, it became kind of fun."

"What did you do with that pic of me? What the fuck are you going to do with it?" Now my voice is raised, a bit, and he looks like he's going to break like the fucking toddler he is any second.

"I'm not doing anything with it!" He takes out his phone, and pulls it up. "There, delete it!"

This turn of events wasn't actually something I was expecting.

"Why do you want me to-" he cuts me off, and hands me his phone.

"Delete it. There's no reason for me to keep it."

In my hand, I hold Charlie Hesketh's phone. I could do anything. I could find some pathetic dick pic and send it to every single contact on his phone. I could send a gay text to one of his friends, I could do anything at all. I've been bestowed with power I never thought I'd have.

But, I flip through. I swipe every single picture until I notice one that intrigues me. A picture of himself shirtless, arguably more "sexy" than my pic had been. It looks like something out of that Fifty Shades book, it's cut out all of his face but a majority of his mouth. Gaped open, he looks like he's sweating, and I can feel the corner of my lip trembling into a smirk.

This. Is. _Perfect_.

I send it to my number, which somehow remains on his phone, and that's all I do. I give it back to him, and grin at him.

"What did you do?" He looks through, and finds the picture I sent to myself. His face turns from a scowl to simply a sort of defeated look.

He lets me out afterward, still possessing that photo of me while I now have a raunchy pic of him, too.

* * *

Once I'm back home, in bed, I can laugh about the situation with Ryan and Jamal.

_u got a selfie of him???_

**yeah, its pretty bad.**

I send the pic, resulting in the both of them sending multiple "xD" emoticons.

how'd you getit?

**he wanted me 2 delete the 1 he saved of me. so i got revenge. :)**

_bruv u have to fuck him over with this._

were gonna disown ya if ya dont.

It really is a moral dilemma if I really want to do that to Charlie. After he was so kind (pathetic) enough to give me access to his phone and send myself a "sexy" pic, should I really send this as some sort of weird revenge porn? It'd be hard to identify it as Charlie unless you had known it'd come from his phone, or spent a weird amount of time staring at his mouth.

I look at the photo again. Really, it isn't as bad as it could have been. I was more expecting some sick fetishes on his phone, something gross enough to compliment the normal front.

But, no, the worst I could find was a photo strangely similar to mine. Who was it supposed to be for?

It'd been taken most recently, only a few hours before the party.

**i think he took it 4 me.**

_wtf. dude. hes not gay. we were playin, you dubmass._

_dumbass._

thats sick. u got his #?

**should i txt him bout it tho?**

**im prob not right bout this.**

_might b worth it._

dude this is fucking sick. keep us updated.

**will do.**

After I get the nerve, I do wind up texting Charlie. I even add his contact, even if it might just be "Dumb cunt" surrounded by dollar emojis.

**why did u have that pic?**

* * *

It took him three hours to respond. Don't know why, he's not the type to have to clean up after a party.

_no reason._

**whyd you just redo mine?**

_i didn't mean that._

**did u fucking jerk it before you took that?**

_what the fuck are you implying?_

**im implying you jerked off 2 my pic and took a sim 1.**

**then decided to let me send myself a copy.**

**thats p gay.**

On his end, there's silence for about twenty minutes. In the mean time, I update my mates.

**hes silent. told him i think he fapped 2 my pic.**

_dude wtf. this is so fucking gay._

didnt think hed really b into u.

**im p sure hes got some kind of problem.**

Once I've sent that, he's responded.

_fuck you._

**youd like that huh??**

_you don't seem like the type who's entirely okay with making fun of someone who's gay. you're pretty defensive yourself._

**r u saying ur gay????????**

_i'm not fucking gay! who's to say you aren't?_

**im not gay. if i were tho, i wouldnt jerk to that pic.**

I take another glance at it. I think I'm actually wanting to look at it.

_sexual tension is a bitch._

**so r u.**

_one-year-old comebacks. nice._

I'm not going to let this motherfucker one-up me. Maybe another pic will do the trick.

I take a few moments, but I pose myself in just the correct way: shirtless, biting a pillow like I'm suppressing a moan, and furrow my brows. I arch my back for a finishing touch, and after taking it I send it to him.

Maybe this isn't a good idea. Maybe I shouldn't do this. But, there's a good chance it'll make him furious, all because he's into me and he can't have me.

God, this is starting to fuck _me_ up, even.

**update: sent new pic 2 charlie. hoping 4 anger.**

_dude hes fapping to these y r u letting him?_

**bc if i can frustrate him itll b my new passtime.**

what if he sends u 1 back?

**im not gay. it wont do anything 2 me.**

_i dunno. now u seem like ur into it._

**fuck u. will update.**

As I wait for Charlie's response, I go back to his pic.

The skin on his collarbone is flushed pink, and I could only assume if the view of the camera had been any broader I'd be seeing cum. My curiosity peaks when I wonder what he sounds like when he jerks off. Based on his voice I'd only assume his moans are low, and he grunts when things get rougher.

I derail that train of thought. I am not going to let myself get hot over thinking what this stupid fucker I've hated for months sounds like when he jacks off.

Why the fuck does this have to be confusing? No, I don't like Charlie Hesketh. I hate his fucking guts and if I were more of an arsehole I'd wish death upon him. However, I do almost certainly believe that I was drugged at the party.

When I switch over to the chat with Charlie, he's more than definitely jerking it to my pic.

**u like it.**

It takes him a while to respond.

_you can fuck off. fuck you. you're being a fucking tease._

After that, he doesn't respond. But, I am incredibly satisfied. I may have done more than needed, but now I'm happy and actually having a good time.

**update: charlie told me 2 fuck off bc of new pic. called me a tease.**

_thats weird._

**y??? hes just being dramatic. playing it up. u kno.**

quote it.

**'you can fuck off. fuck you. you're being a fucking tease.'**

_ok._

u think hes actually gay???

**no. just acting like it for idk.**

_keep updating. he might rlly b gay._

I put my phone down. What if he is gay? I would have just been a complete arse for sending him that pic and frustrating him further.

In some sick way, this is really fun, but in another way, I actually am a bit upset for him. If he's gay, then he's probably upset that I'm doing this, mocking him, and he'll never be able to do anything like that with me. Okay, I think I should apologise.

**charlie, im srry.**

_fuck off. if you're gonna send me another pic i'm just going to block you._

**im not. i didnt realise ur gay.**

_i'm not gay, i'm not gay, stop saying i'm fucking gay._

I don't want to know what he looks like on the other side of the phone screen. There's a fifty-fifty chance he looks pissed, and he's absolutely ready to fucking kill me the next time he sees me. There's also the other chance that he's distressed, maybe even crying. How do I know he's not just denying that he is gay?

**r u crying?**

_don't ask. you don't care anyway._

**yeah well idk if i should ask u whats wrong or leave u alone.**

_you're actually acting like you care. that's surprising._

**i do care. whats going on with u???**

He's silent again. Now tension is building up. Tonight has been fucking insane.

_i don't know what's up. i don't know if i should tell you when you don't like me anyway. no one else needs to know this._

**needs 2 know what?**

_i don't trust you. i'll let it break me down until i can't hold it in anymore and have a breakdown. my friends will know before you, anyway._

**ur friends r homophobes. y would u do that?**

_what does it matter if they are? u don't even know if i'm gay._

**ur family is homophobic. every1 knos that. ill keep ur secret.**

_i don't trust you, eggsy!_

**u called me eggsy.**

_what does that matter?_

**i didnt know u knew my name.**

_of course i do._

**wht does that mean????**

_it doesn't mean anything. why should that mean anything?_

I sit back, and furrow my brow. Now, I just really want him to tell me. I can't force him to tell me, yet it seems like it'll grate on me until he finally does say something. I know he wants to. But he has no one he can tell, or at least thinks he can tell. Now, I need to get him to like and trust me. It's my new mission, and likely a more constructive one over making him hate me and making him suffer.

Why do I want to help him? Why am I feeling any compassion for Charlie at all? He doesn't deserve it, he's been a dick to me for long enough that he can't make me forgive him this easily. Suddenly he's having a rough time and I feel like I need to help him?

**charlie, i wont tell any1 if u tell me what itis.**

Maybe I'm even feeling a little anxiety right now. Because anyone gets anxious in a situation like this. I'm anxious enough to the point where I'm even hoping that he's just lying and he's joking with me. In that instance I wouldn't feel like I'm forcing him to admit something incredibly personal to me.

I know he has some kind of strange fascination with me, but I'm not certain what kind of fascination, or what level of fascination it is. It could be as simple as he likes getting a rise out of me and that's it, but with how he was speaking when we were together in his room, I doubt it.

He's giving me too much time to think while I wait for him to text me back. Who'd ever guess that after all the shit that happened, I'd be texting Charlie? I don't know.

I choose, likely wisely, to not say anything to Ryan and Jamal. They're not discreet, and in the case of this being Charlie, they'd tell everyone. I'm not going to break this vow I wordlessly made with Charlie. I've sort of got to keep up my end of the bargain if I'm going to be able to help him.

Nothing excuses "You're a fag, aren't you," but I can forget it long enough that I'll try to help him in some way. I might just be entirely wrong that there's anything going on with him. He might just be a dumbass and not know how to react in any situation. Overreacting because of some aesthetic appreciation for guys, that really means nothing at all in regards to his sexuality. He's also not exactly the type to be gay.

Though, he could be, and that's what's upsetting me about the whole situation.

If Charlie is gay, or bi, or whatever else he could possibly be, then he has so few people in his life he can tell. Too few people that wouldn't say anything to anyone, really no one would keep that kind of information under wraps if they did hear about it. If they had access to something that personal and that controversial (still), they'd do anything to ruin his reputation with it. I don't know how his parents would react exactly, but given what I do know about their views on homosexuality, the outcome doesn't look good for him. I feel like I have to defend this arsehole and keep him from getting irreversibly fucked over.

If his parents find out, they could a, overreact and treat him poorly for the rest of the time he has to live with them. B, they could send him to some camp or therapy to make him straight. C, take it out on any guy he brings home. D, abuse him for it. Or, e, they could disown him or just kick him out, and forget about him while he tries to find someone he can live with. His friends would find out all too quick, and then they'd react like "Ew, you've thought about me like that, haven't you?"

He's not the type who can go friendless. So either I've got to help him through this, or, worst case scenario, I have to be his friend. I mean, I feel sorry for him, if this situation actually is going the way I think it is, but I really don't want to be friends with him.

I try to picture what he's doing right now. Now I'm even too confused to properly imagine what he's doing.

When I blink I still see that picture of him. When will I be able to forget it? I don't need to imagine him jacking off, at all.

**if u want i culd call u?**

_no. someone will hear me._

**r u willing 2 tell me?**

_maybe. i'd rather tell you in person, alone. no one could find out that way._

**school 2morrow?**

_i don't know. is there someplace more private that i could tell you?_

**ill think abt it. u trust me enough, yea?**

_sure._

I feel a bit less on-edge knowing he does trust me to some degree. At least to the point where he'll tell me something personal.

**thank u.**

_huh?_

**u do kno u were making me worried, rite?**

_why were you worried? you should be excited i'm telling you something so personal._

**yea, but u got me worried. idk wht ur gonna tell me, but just kno that i do care wht happens 2 u, if wht im thinking is tru.**

_it's weird, that you're worried about me._

_especially after how much of a bitch i am to you._

**dnt worry abt that rn. i just wnt to make sure ur safe.**

_why do you care about my safety? no one's going to know, i'll be fine._

**my stepdad. hes abusive and i kno i dont wnt u being in tht kind of pain. no 1 deseves tht.**

_thank you. i don't know how to thank you for being so kind to me._

**if u tell me whtevr itis ur gonna tell me, tht's all i need.**

_okay. night._

**nite.**

I can't believe what I've done now. Charlie trusts me. And I'm going to keep his secret as long as he wants and needs me to, and I'm now his defender. In some ways I feel incredibly pathetic, but really, I should be the one who makes him upset, if anything. No one else gets to fuck with him as much as I deserve to.

But now I really don't want to do anything against him. And I can't place the reason why.

Either way, I do end up worrying about Charlie enough to where I need to text again.

**delete this convo from ur phone.**

I feel like I need to protect him from something. His parents, his brother, his friends, anyone who would be able to screw him over for knowing something is up with him.

_why? no one goes through my phone._

**just listen 2 me. its safer if u delete it.**

I tuck my phone into myself, and once I've erased that worry from my mind, I can manage to fall asleep.


	2. Grins/Butch

The moment I wake up I'm bombarded with texts. Ryan and Jamal are asking about Charlie, and Charlie's asking me what's going on and what the plan is.

**guys hes fine.misunderstanding.**

_wow. thats disappointin._

mhm.

was hopin for somethin bigger.

**srry hes not having a brekadown.**

I flip over to the chat with Charlie, and he seems anxious. Now he gets how I felt last night.

_where are we going to meet?_

**somewhere. after schol?**

_yeah. i'm not sure how i'm going to phrase it._

**cant be 2 hard.**

_have you ever had to tell someone something you've never told to anyone else? and you never thought you'd have to say in your life?_

**no. but it cant b 2 hard when u have allday to think abt it.**

_harder than i thought it would be. it's good i have all day._

**good.im glad ur feeling better abt it.**

"It." That's all that his confession is at this point. No one can say exactly what he's going to tell me today. That's going to bother me all day.

* * *

Charlie ignores me all day. I barely even see him, only a few times in the hall.

He takes a glance at me when he passes by, towards the end of the day, and I try to follow him.

The crowd separates us, but now it's only an hour before we both meet in the computer lab. It's abandoned, after school, at least. It's the safest place we could meet. Dark, quiet, off towards a corner of the school where no clubs hold meetings. Thankfully, we'll be alone, if everything goes well.

I have to wonder where his friends went. He didn't look particularly thrilled when he looked over at me.

I am cupping my hand to my cheek, I have to wonder what's going on. Why he looked over at me in the hall at all. I make sort of an executive decision, and decide to go find him.

**r u in class?**

_no._

**wnt 2 meet up now?**

_okay._

I excuse myself from class. One part sheer boredom, and one part pure curiosity.

After little searching, I find him sitting awkwardly outside the computer lab. He doesn't notice me for a while, but once he does, he stands and I can see that defeated look dulling his face.

He really did it. Oh my god. I underestimated how utterly stupid he could be.

I lead him into the computer lab, unlocked for some reason. We duck inside, and lock the door behind us. Blinds pulled, we go to stand towards the back of the room, towards a window that also has it's blinds closed.

"Why the fuck were you actually waiting for me?" I whisper, my tone pretty harsh.

He comes forward, signalling to me he's perfectly fine with the idea of fucking me up right here if I'm too hostile with him. So I step back, trying to lock my eyes on his. I can't see him too well now, standing away from the only light source in the room.

"I thought that's what you wanted. Do you still want to talk?" His whisper sounds a bit rough. If I had a better view of his face, I'd be ready to say it's twisted up, and he's close to actually crying. Fine. I'll be nicer.

"Yeah. You think I planned this all because I wanted to yell at you?"

"Give me a second."

I sigh, trying to diminish my attitude before he admits it to me.

He's silent. I can't see his face, he's looking down, but his shoulders jerk a bit. That actually makes me feel a bit bad, seeing him start to cry. Despite the fact I can't see his tears, his shaky breathing gives it away he's crying.

"No, no, stop it." I take a step closer, and he tries to turn away to wipe his eyes. "Charlie, stop crying."

He sniffles, and then he's silent again. He has quite a talent for being quiet when you actually want him to speak, and vice versa.

"Give me a second, please."

While I wait for him to calm down, I lean back on a short chair. His sobbing noises stop, his breathing is nearly settled again. The noises he made, they actually made me feel incredibly bad. I think now I should probably keep him from crying.

"This is hard to say."

" _Please_ just tell me." My brow is furrowed in worry. All I really know right now is it is something actually important he's telling me.

He looks back down, and I stand back up, straightening myself up. This tension is killing me. I want to be able to look at his face, to see his expression right now. Is he still looking anguished? Did his expression fix itself and now he's just blank-looking?

"You won't tell anyone?"

"No. I wouldn't rat you out on something like that." I'm being entirely too kind to him.

He breathes in, then exhales. I find some comfort in listening to his breathing, knowing it's settled and calmed down. He sounds like he can talk properly again. No footsteps have passed by.

I move a little closer, still trying to catch a glimpse of his face.

"Are you ready to say it?"

He hesitates, I hear a little noise come from his mouth, but then he steps in closer, so he can whisper it to me. It's strange having Charlie this close. With his lips right by my ear, hearing his gentle breathing cascade right into me. I look past him, at the wall, but I notice his breath hitch as he's about to push the words past his teeth, finally.

"I'm gay." He pulls away from me, and his shoulders start shivering again.

I look up at him, and frown. It's likely a stupid idea, but I open my arms.

"Come here. Please, Charlie."

Once he's resting against me, I wrap my arms round his middle. He holds me at my shoulders, and he sets his cheek at the side of my head. His sobs are vocal, very soft, but even just this much makes me feel horrible again.

"I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be gay." He whimpers, almost.

I look off to the side, away from him so I don't feel so uncomfortable, and we have to move closer together again.

"You can't help that, yeah?"

"No. But I'm still going disappoint my family. They didn't want me to be like this."

"Did. . .you didn't tell them, did you?"

He pulls away a bit, and I assume that means he can somehow see my face.

"No. I didn't tell them. But I can tell they won't want to hear this."

He jerks a little, and I pull him back in.

"What would they do if you came out?"

I hold him statically, it's so awkward and strange, and while I can't tell what he looks like, his cheek is warm against my temple. It's weird that I'm hugging him. It's weird feeling his breath caress my ear, it's weird letting him into my personal space like this. But this feels like what I am supposed to do. Hold him close, comfort him until he's feeling even a little bit better.

It feels foreign to hug a guy, full-on. But it's not exactly bad. I'm not even a big fan of hugging, but I like this feeling. I actually like feeling this close. Maybe if it'd been someone other than Charlie, I'd be thrilled about holding someone like this.

"They-I don't know what they'd do. They'd stop speaking to me. They'd send me to live with someone else. Cut off every kind of communication and hope to never see me again."

I can't express how fucked that is.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper into his shoulder.

"Don't be. You can't help."

I look up at him, trying to get some view of his eyes.

"Let me try to try to help, then." This is nicer than I ever thought I'd let myself be to Charlie. But he will owe me so fucking much.

He looks uncomfortable staring me in the face, at least this close.

"Why do you want to help me so much? I don't deserve that."

I groan. I pull myself closer, and we're so incredibly close I begin to feel uncomfortable like he was.

"You don't deserve this. No matter how much I dislike you you don't deserve to be upset like this."

I can see a tiny smile appear on his face, and that actually makes me smile in return. This marks the first time I've smiled at Charlie since the day I met him.

"Thank you," his voice is so quiet. I nod, and I try to rationalise with myself if we should pull apart.

He lets go of me, and gives this uncomfortable kind of laugh, hushed. It's a bit upsetting being left cold again, but in the end what does it matter at all? I end up walking him back to class, and the teacher does scold him for coming in late, but we all know how that'll go.

I leave, checking my texts while I wander back to my class.

**hes fine. we talked hes doing fine.**

_so disappointin bruv!_

if i hear anythin different im goin to fuck u up.

_ill join in. u have 2 be fuckin lyin._

**not.**

It's going to be hard to keep it from them that I know his secret now, and that I hugged him, and we weren't hostile. But, maybe it'll be easy to forget. I'm sort of hoping I will forget it, but another part of me thinks "It wouldn't be so bad to remember."

I'm so goddamn pathetic.

* * *

_u gotta b kiddin._

this is fucked.

**wht do u mean?**

_tht nothin happnd when u talked. u sure ur not lyin?_

we wont beat ya as bad if ya tell us.

**y do u think im lyin??**

_bc now ur so in2 him. ur actin prtty gay 2._

~~~~ mayb not as gay but p gay.

**o fuck off. ur just upset ive got nothin to say.**

_tru. but we can still call u gay all we like.e_

**fine.**

I look up from my phone. It seems like something is incredibly wrong if I'm more or less neutral with Charlie within a day. Just because he's going through a rough time. It's hard to believe I actually held him while he cried and we both talked, had an actual conversation. Strange.

And now I'm entirely too fine with seeing him again. I can't help thinking maybe I am in fact feeling more friendly towards him. But really, I'm not certain about that, at all.

It's just a fluke that I'm interested in him now that he's told me something interesting. That sounds just fine, it sounds normal that I am interested now.

**r u doin alrite?**

Why is he so interesting, though? There's no reason his sexuality should be so intriguing. So he's gay. It's fine, why should it matter? My stomach feels like it's turning, or clenching, something like that.

_yeah. thank you for being understanding, and being so kind to me. i promise i'll stop being an arse._

**if u do keep it up ill fite u.**

_i don't doubt you would. :)_

What the fuck? What the fuck does that smiley mean? Oh god, he's getting friendly, isn't he? Given the perfect opportunity to become friendly with me. He'd better be wise about it and keep it down-low if he is actually smart.

**no1 will kno ur nice 2 me, rite?**

_no. i'll ignore you in school, if that's what you want._

**itd be better that way.**

_maybe. my friends aren't the type who'll easily back off of someone. i'm basically their leader and they wouldn't fuck off of you, even if i were to say so._

**follo me in2 the loo and fite me, yea?**

_probably._

**fuckin savages.**

We're becoming better at casual conversation. It doesn't feel as odd texting him and talking with him, as it would have before. I even got a smiley face emoji from him. If I had been meaning to get on his good side, I'd be celebrating right now. However, I am not sure if that is exactly what I was intending. Well, now I guess Charlie and I are friends.

_i'm sorry about that. will you keep talking with me?_

**y not?**

_because i've been a dick to you. i probably don't even deserve to talk with you._

**i aint tht great.**

I don't get why he'd act like I was above him. In most ways, he's above me. Richer, smarter, popular, more attractive.

_but you haven't been instigating harassment and bullying. it speaks a lot about your character._

**oh. ok?**

_i'm very glad i came out to you. it feels much better having told someone._

**how long have u known?**

_i don't know. a few weeks, or something? i'm not sure._

**its an honour u told me.**

_sarcasm?_

**u bet.**

_you're actually pretty fun to talk to._

**id like 2 think i am.**

_ha. :)_

There he goes again with that goddamn smiley!

**y r u sendin me :)???**

_i don't know? i thought people did that when they texted?_

_like 'hey! :)'_

**u use those whn talkin to friends.**

_aren't we kind of friends? we've hugged, for about ten or so minutes. i've confessed a thing to you, something i wouldn't say to anyone else, and i trust you._

He trusts me. Charlie  _trusts_ me. That means a lot, I think.

**aw im flattered. :)**

_so you're going to agree we're 'friends?'_

**y not? better than hating u.**

_aw, now i'm flattered._

We text, for hours, probably, about whatever it is we can think to discuss. Charlie talks about his friends, I talk about mine. We talk about our families, our classes, whatever either of us can think up to keep the conversation going. Neither of us want to end the chat.

_i'm sorry for calling you a fag._

**kinda funny u apologise now.**

_yeah. . ._

**u cant just keep actin like tht when some1 mentions bein gay.**

_i know i can't. but i still have that knee-jerk reaction to it._

**im sorry.**

_it's okay. i'm so glad you're helping at all, eggsy._

**im happy u r lettin me try 2 help.**

Maybe being friendly with Charlie won't be as bad as I thought it would be. It might actually be nice chatting with him, being kind with him, having someone I can text and talk with when things get rough. He's starting to become more understanding, kinder than I ever thought he could be. If he keeps this up, we could actually become friends. And maybe it wouldn't be so bad being friends with him. He's good at conversation, he can be funny, and he's actually a bit interesting, no matter how much I'm sounding like I'm kissing his arse. But, he is interesting. Maybe I'm starting to like him, and if he keeps up with this I'll actually like him, and we won't have any harshness between us anymore.

* * *

_im startin 2 think ur not tellin us somethin abt charlie._

ur defendin him. thts weirdbruv.

**im not tellin u nothin u dont need 2 kno.**

_wuld it b bad if we did kno it?_

u seem off.

**dont say tht. u dont need 2 care abt it. im not talkin to him anymore.**

This defense strategy is incredibly tedious. I'm getting bored just repeating that nothing is wrong with him. He's having a rough time and I need to help him, but Ryan and Jamal would use this against him. I can only hope that soon the tension will wear off, and they'll stop asking about it.


	3. Balsa Wood Bones/Sweater Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly a year later I decide to update this. Maybe by then I'll update Autumn, ha.

_would it be too early since coming out to say i have a crush?_

**nah. who is it?**

_never mind._

**whts wrong?**

_not ready for that._

**can i ask abt ur pic?**

_yeah. . ._

**wht did u do b4 u took it?**

_are you asking if i masturbated?_

**or had sex??**

_well, i've kind of never slept with anyone. assume the former._

**woah. ur a virgin?**

_is that really so shocking?_

**dude. wtf.**

_you're the same age as me. what the fuck right back._

**well now i hve to make sure ur first time isnt bad. rite? like in the movies?**

_yeah. . .?_

**i promise ur gonna have a good first tiem.**

_it's not going to be with someone i like._

**it rlly never is. im sorry.**

_oh._

The silence becomes unbearable. I don't want to think he's even a bit upset on the other side of the phone. Or, again, I'm overreacting and he's not really impacted by the fact that I'm not responding, and don't know how to respond.

**any hints abt ur crush?**

_uhm. . .no. i'd give it all away._

**is it tht obvious?**

_maybe. you'd pick up on it, probably too much._

**whos to say i will?**

Charlie shuts up for a second, and my mind, of course, needs to speculate who he could be crushing on. Likely one of his friends, someone he'd never really be able to tell. And they're not even long-lasting. I had a crush on one of my friends when we first met, but soon it fizzled out to nothing more than just a platonic bond.

And this could be the same for Charlie, and maybe that's why he won't tell me. Because it will just be temporary. And once it's over he'll have another crush, and other, until he does eventually find someone to settle down with. He's handsome, has charm when you're on his side, and overall I can tell he'd be boyfriend material without a doubt.

He just needs someone he can fall head over heels with, someone who will fall right back. If he can even get that much I'm glad for him.

_uhm. . .he's not a creepy old perv.  goes to our school. brown hair._

**do i know him?**

_likely not his name._

I can only assume his crush is Hugo. He's the type to like his friends who would be disgusted by him liking them. Then again, everybody's got brown hair in our school, it could be Rufus, even, but I'm betting it's Hugo. He's the least offensive friend Charlie has.

**hugo?**

_oh god, no!_

That does make me chuckle, and I fake-tease him from there.

**ooo u like hugo!!!**

_i have higher standards than that!_

**ofc u do. :p**

_the guy i like. . .he's not as much of a prick as hugo. he's comparable, though._

**ohhh is he cute????**

_i'd say he's very cute. and he has a nice personality when he's not being totally insufferable. but he wouldn't like me back._

**how r u so sure??? he might b in2 u 2.**

_he is too good for me. i don't have the guts to tell him, though._

**culd i help u?**

_i guess._

Me thinks I've just managed to figure out how to help him out. Maybe if I get him together with this dream guy of his, he'll stop speaking to me and we will continue to have an unspoken bond for the rest of college, or just not speak to each other ever again.

I've never had to get two people together, especially a guy I have to pretend to hate and a guy I don't even know.

**he goes 2 our school rite?**

_yes._

_it's kind of funny you'd care if a boy is cute or not. :p_

**fuk off charlie. just trying to get where ur comin from.**

I have no obligation to get them together, he's the one who told me he had a crush, but I feel like getting him together with a boy will cheer him up. I'll still need to give advice here and there but our interactions will end otherwise.

And I kind of feel sad about that thought. It's nice talking to him, even if I don't like him.

_just a warning, he'll be hard to convince._

First thing's first, I need to figure out who he is. A brown-haired guy who isn't Hugo. Hm. I could try with him, but I doubt it'd get very far. I'm sure he's trying to throw me off of Hugo, anyway.

At school I'll have to try hinting to him that Charlie is interested. This should be interesting to try to talk to Hugo at all, seeing as he'd sooner throw me into a washroom stall and fuck me up.

**no worrys. ;)**

* * *

When I get to school, Ryan and Jamal are utterly pissed at me.

"You've been leading us on for days, Eggs, give it up!" Jamal teases while Ryan shoves me.

"It's nothing, I've got nothing!" I laugh and shove him back.

We're standing out front, waiting to be let in. It's cold out, no sky is visible. From where I'm standing I can see Charlie chatting with his friends. He looks happy, until he sees me. His expression changes to a sort of worried gaze, until he notices his friends looking. He glares at me and starts talking to them with a harsher look on his face.

I turn away, back to rejoin whatever Ryan and Jamal are talking about. They notice what I was looking at, and both start scowling.

" _Fuck_."

"Are you fucking joking?"

Charlie and his goons have come up to us. He stands to my side, and begins taunting me.

"What were you looking at, Unwin?" He smirks.

His goons look so ready to see me get "wrecked," and I now am certain I shouldn't have tried to help Charlie at all.

"Nothing," I scowl.

"He was eyeing you! I saw it!" The blond one, who I now know is Digby, grins and laughs. He gives me a sneer, and Charlie tries to come closer to me. Jamal butts in between us, threatening to fuck him up if he doesn't back off.

"Fuck off, Hesketh." Ryan furrows his brow at them.

I'm pressed to one side of Jamal, Charlie standing almost chest-to-chest with him. Charlie's unfortunately taller than him, and he still gets a good look at me. His eyes are locked on me. He's trying to make himself look hostile, but he doesn't look mad in the eyes.

"You were checking me out, weren't you?" He sounds so pleased. I wouldn't be so disappointed if he hadn't told me he'd stop bothering me and just leave me be.

I stand up taller, tilting my head back and looking him head-on.

"You know, I think _you_ were, bruv. Or was it one of your 'friends' here who wanted a look at my arse?" My tone is harsh, but I think he does deserve some repercussion for trying to start shit with me. "It's fine, you can take a peak, but you could at least give me some feedback on my squat routine."

Charlie looks offended, and I smirk at one side of my mouth.

Digby, Rufus, and Hugo are disgusted by this. They chatter to each other before addressing me and take a while to do so.

"Eggsy, what are you doing?" Ryan whispers with haste to me, sounding pissed that I engaged.

"You want them to deck you?" I huddle with both of them and they begin to go on about how gay I was acting.

"Fuck off, they'll leave us alone if I disgust them enough." I speak in the same choked whisper tone as Ryan.

After a few minutes, Charlie breaks off from the group, glancing to me and nudging his shoulder when he walks away. I follow him, primarily because I will force some kind of answer out of him about why he tried to bully me again. Charlie walks down the path leading to the school, he goes off towards the sports supply shed. The rugby players aren't paying attention to us, but he ends up standing on the side facing away from the field. I'm sure we've been spotted together, though.

He keeps a hand on his backpack, looking like somehow he had more right to be upset with me than I did with him.

"Okay, why the fuck did you start a fight with me, Charlie?" I scowl, exhaling and trying to keep myself from knocking his teeth in.

"They'd suspect something if I didn't. Why'd you start with the checking you out comments?" He starts to flare up, too. "The guys were asking me if I was hate-fucking you!"

I hold my hands up in defense. " _Hold up_. You could have just left me alone, but you decided to be a back-stabbing fucker and start fighting with me!"

Charlie scowls, grabbing tightly at the strap of his backpack. His eyes turn from a lighter grey to a deep, stormy colour.

"And you make me out to be gay! In front of the people I thought you understood weren't accepting of it." He takes one step back onto the ball of his foot, like he was wounded and recoiling from me.

I scoff, throwing my back against the storage shed, making a loud clatter with my backpack against the sheet of indented metal. While continuing to glare and scowl, I level my gaze with his, a pretty hard task when he's so much taller than me.

"You started it. Suck it up." I tuck my arms into each other, crossing them across my chest. "You're not getting anymore of my sympathy after doing that."

Charlie sighs, stepping closer to me, in the slow way you approach a feral animal. He's right to see me like that. Taking cautious steps towards me like I'll snap at him if he moves to fast or comes too close.

His shoulder rests against the shed, he's close to me now.

"Look, I'm sorry, Eggsy, but you agreed to keep my secret." He's really trying to act all high and mighty now.

I hit my shoulder against the metal sheet and bite.

" _Look_ , Charlie, but I didn't outright tell them that you like to fuck guys. Your friends are so dense that they need it explained in layman's terms. Seems those prestigious educations are doing nothing for them, but why does that matter when they're entitled snobs like you? At least you're a bit smarter, but not by much. If you think that you're so in the right for trying to fight me or getting upset with me when I make a hint that you might be gay." I rest my head against the metal sheet, the cold sting feeling nice on my cheek. "Maybe you should take a look in the mirror, you're not the innocent angel you seem to think you are. Even when you're trying to be nice you're fucking annoying." I grin like the satisfied shit I am.

I keep myself hushed so only we can hear each other, but that doesn't stop him from slapping me with some force. It's not painful, I've felt much worse from the likes of him.

"Fuck off, Unwin!" He pins me to the shed by grabbing my shirt and shoving me into it. He holds me between himself and the shed.

"Go ahead, fucking abuse me, you sadist!" I yell as he hits me harder. "Get fucking expelled for beating up on me!"

He hits me hard into the shed again, before stopping. He rests his forehead against the shed, whispering into my ear. His lips brush against my skin.

"It would take more than beating you to a pulp for me to get expelled and you know it." He looks at me again, eyes still dark. "Because I'm a rich prat, hm?"

Now we start to accumulate attention. A few guys and the coach have started coming over to see us. Charlie lets go of me, but not before I take a dive at him and try to punch him out. I only get in a few before I'm torn away from him by two players. He gets up and glares at me, holding his cheek. A red mark sits on his obscene cheekbone and his lip was split near the left side.

"You fucker," he growls as he's helped to the nurse's office by the coach.

I am to be brought to the headmaster's office after I am checked out by the nurse, left to sit out and wait for Charlie to come and confess that I busted his face up all while I'm sporting two bruises on my face, one actually looking like a shallow gash, like his nail caught me when he hit me.

Mum will be called, she won't answer and Dean will shriek at me for starting a fight with a Hesketh. He'd just gotten in well with his brother, now I'm going to be the blame for Dean losing one of his highest paying customers.

We both sit outside the door, waiting for the nurse to see us, refusing to acknowledge each other.

When I take a glance at him, he's ducking his head low and staring at me, looking at me from under his brow. His eyes have lightened, they're bluer now.

I stare back, twisting my mouth up into a grimace. His expression is tense, his chest rises and falls deeply as he watches me. I don't want to imagine him getting hard from beating me up and being degraded, but while my mind strays I can almost swear I see the beginnings of a bulge in his trousers.

We both sit back, watching each other. I can't decide if I want to insult him or just keep quiet, so I play it safe. It may not be what I want, but I'd rather not get expelled. Charlie looks away from me first, down to his phone. He taps at it with his thumbs, then turns to me.

My phone buzzes. He had the nerve to text me.

_i'm sorry eggsy, i really am._

I furrow my brow at him, texting back.

**rlly?? thats it??? you culd have AT LEAST apologisd for starting a fite w me, & then beatin e up. good try tho.**

He sighs and starts typing again. This takes him longer.

_what i did was stupid and you're right. i don't know how to make it up to you. but i will try to make it up to you, even if it's degrading. i'm offering that i'll do anything for forgiveness._

**y do u care wht i think of u? dont u care more abt what ur friends think??**

_but i still want to be your friend. i like you, you were compassionate to me even though i didn't deserve it at all, and you expressed that what i did was terrible and didn't kiss my arse the whole time. you don't treat me like i'm some kind of infallible god._

I glance at him, his face is serious. He's not joking, it's weird hearing him so sincere. He continues to type.

_please, i know you don't have to, but it would be nice to stay friends with you. i promise i won't bug you again._

**hm, anythng i want from you?? ill get back to u on tht one.**

_thank you._

_what are you going to make me do?_

I look over to him again, he's staring at me.

**youll see.**

He smiles gently. We sit in silence once again until he's brought in. I continue to wait.

I feel a bit awkward about him trying to be my friend so desperately. When we're alone he's nice but the second he's around his friends he treats me like I'm lesser. Maybe I should treat him poorly to make up for it, but I already split his lip. I think I've done enough to get back at him.

* * *

During school I was ignored by Charlie. It was for the best, but all day my mind was stuck on what I should make him do. I could embarrass him in front of his friends, humiliate him. When I was reading over our texts again, my eye was caught on the word "degrading." That just confirmed my personal theory that Charlie would be into BDSM had he known what it was. He comes off as a sadist to me, but he could be a sadomasochist if he really wanted to.

Now I'm locked up in my room, after having brought my "fuck buddy" back home. Mum was off with Daisy, and Dean was off with his thugs. I think now it's Nikki, but her real name is Anne. She sits down on her knees and bobs her head on my prick. I sit back, laying my hands behind me on my bed. I didn't enjoy making out with her until she removed her shirt and agreed to blow me, but my mind was off somewhere else. Everything she does with her mouth is messy and barely pleasurable.

I'm centred on thinking about what I'm going to do after this. Nikki she is shit at giving head. She hasn't been great at it, and rarely does she ever do this before we fuck, so I don't exactly blame her. She rests her hands on my thighs, grabbing them tightly. That gets a legitimate response out of me, I exhale sharply and feel my heart begin to pound.

My phone is buzzing, someone's calling me. It had been buzzing constantly since I had come home, but it had only been texts then. I checked the screen. Sure enough, "$$$Dumb cunt$$$" was calling.

I declined the call, and read through his messages while Nikki wasn't paying attention. I heard a quiet gagging sound come from her as I guess she tried to deep-throat me, but I'm beginning to go soft.

_i need help. the guys who saw us fighting are threatening to spread rumours._

_they're going to say that we're kinky and couldn't keep it in our trousers._

_what do we do?_

_eggsy_

_eggsy please help_

_please my brother is friends with some of those guys, he'll tell my parents everything._

I roll my eyes, and lean back, about to send him a text. He calls again. I answer it, I know there won't be much noise on my end besides Nikki gagging and moaning when she slips her hand between her thighs to keep the moment going. Her bleach-blonde hair falls into her face, hiding her sloppy eyeliner and her overall outdated makeup.

"Yes?" I respond, my tone only a few notches away from sarcastic.

"Okay, we're fucked. So fucked. They're sending the message around. What are we going to do?" He sounds frightened. "I'm fucking dead, Eggsy help."

If he actually is panicking right now, I do feel bad. But right now I'm not exactly thrilled to talk to him, but it's better than trying to give lessons to Nikki about how to give a blowjob.

"You do realise this isn't the end of the world, right? They always spread rumours, the worst they can do is call you a 'fag' and be on with it. No one will believe a word out of their mouths." I rest a hand on my thigh, it lands on hers and I tighten her hand on my thigh, getting another exhale out of me.

"Who're you talking to?" She asks, looking up at me a moment.

I pull my face away from the phone, nearer to hers and kiss her neck, pulling up some of the skin between my teeth and sucking on it quickly. She giggles in response.

"Nobody you need to worry about." I fall back, watching her smirk and go back to bobbing her head on my cock.

He's silent a moment. I lean back into her and tell her to be rougher, deciding that I'd rather get this done sooner then later.

"Are you sure?" He sighs. "It's already made its way to Rufus and Digby, and they think that you were forcing it onto me. The players think I forced it onto you. You think we should just ignore it?"

She starts sucking on my prick harder, it feels the slightest bit decent, and once again I'm tightening her grip on my thigh, it's turning the skin beneath white. I sigh harder, tilting my head back briefly. Once I come back up, she's slapping my thigh and grabbing at my arse tightly. This actually feels better, much more my speed.

"Eggsy? What're you doing?" He sounds less worried now. His tone is now panicked and hectic. I could swear I could hear intrigue in his voice.

"Nothing. I was in the middle of something when you called." I suppress a groan as she digs her nails into my skin.

"Are you wanking?" He sounds almost mortified, he tried to fake it but failed.

I allow myself to groan when she sighs and sits down in my lap. Again, her hand slips between her thighs and she whimpers in a way that is quite pleasing, one of the first noises that hasn't concerned me. I set the phone on the bed beside me, putting it on speakerphone. I cup her tits, which makes her gasp and laugh.

"Take another guess." I squeeze her tits after that, and she starts kissing me. I pull away, then adjust her thighs to spread over mine. Her crotch rests against mine, her panties the only barrier keeping me from penetrating her.

Before I bother to properly fuck her, I pull her bra down. Her tits almost pop out, they're perky as ever and they still fit exactly into my hand. I take my hands off of them almost immediately.

He hangs up, decidedly angry with what I'd done. I expect another rage, I'm sure he's going to go on about how disgusting I was being and that I was acting like a rentboy.

She pulls her panties aside, telling me to stick it in.

" _Come ooon_! I have to go home!" Her skirt is draped around my lap, but I can only see where she's slipped her panties to rest between her thigh and the side of her crotch. She's obnoxious, but we've been friends for years and she's a guaranteed good lay.

I direct my prick up into her, and she groans like it's the first time I've done this. Her forehead settles into the crook of my shoulder, her hair falling over her face. One hand grabs at my other shoulder, and her free one squeezes her nails into my thigh.

She bounces on me, whining as she lowers herself further onto it, eventually pulling one hand from my shoulder to rub at her clit. After some thrusting, moaning, and even a bite courtesy of Nikki, we finish up. She pulls her panties back into place and begins to adjust her outfit some more while I get redressed.

"So who was that on the phone?" Nikki grins, holding her hands behind her back and puffing her still-bare chest out at me. I don't look at her tits when she does that.

"Nobody. Some guy who's trying to be friends." I stand up to zip up my trousers. I hand her bra back to her, and she makes me put it back on for her.

I have no trouble hooking it back up, and she then puts her shirt and blazer back on, neglecting her tie.

"He sounded familiar. If you're lying to me you'd best believe I'll find out, Eggsy." She taps her finger on my shoulder. We walk out to the front door, she gives me a kiss on the cheek and leaves.

When I come back in, I can hear my phone ringing. I almost storm back up, picking up my phone to see "$$$Dumb cunt$$$" lit on the screen.

"Hello?" I sit down on the bed, scooting lying down to get comfortable. I was expecting him to go on a while after what I did.

"Was that your idea of degradation? Making me listen to you fuck somebody?" He sounds exhausted, I'd have to wonder what it was he was doing beforehand.

"What? No, I still have no idea what I want from you. But you were so set on calling me, I thought I might as well answer." I cross my legs loosely.

I hear him sigh in a way that sounds exhausted. He doesn't speak for a while, and I adjust myself while I wait for him to talk.

"That's just vile, Eggsy. Next time please tell me that you're busy instead of putting me on speakerphone and continuing to fuck that girl." He is still breathing quite audibly.

I tuck myself into my pillows, smiling at his discomfort.

"Come on, bruv, you had to have liked it before I put it on speaker, though. At least a little," I talk as coyly as I can and I can almost hear him squirm. I laugh when Charlie scoffs.

"No! Quit it, Unwin, I swear to god." He's completely flustered, it's hilarious hearing him react so violently to a little teasing. "Why would I like listening to you fucking?"

He's seemed to completely dropped the rumours, he's not touching on the topic and instead focusing on the fact that I answered his call while I was being blown. But he didn't seem to have a problem with the noise when he could only hear me. Now I feel some remorse about flustering him, but hey, he could have ended the call when he first started hearing the noises, could have ended it before I put it on speaker. If he was so desperate to speak with me that he called me, than I don't see why he needed forewarning. The fact that I was getting head while he called me shouldn't have been too bothersome.

"Oh come on, was it a nice wank?" I grin, but in response he groans in an angry way. Either this is really bothering him or he's playing it up to make me shut up.

"Stop it, that's not funny." He sounds furious, in a reserved way. "Look, how about we keep talking about those rumours, aye? You seemed to not care earlier and now the rumours are spreading. We're apparently gay for each other. What do we do now?" He goes from furious to almost defeated.

I sigh, throwing my head back. But I try not to sigh in a way that would infuriate him any further.

"What are they saying, Charlie?" I can hear him starting to choke up on the other end.

He doesn't say anything for a while. On the other end I hear shuffling, until eventually he starts speaking again.

"They're saying I was making out with you, and that we're in some kinky relationship, like I said before." He exhales, he's trying to keep himself from reacting too noticeably. "Please just tell me what we can do, I'm panicking."

I have nothing to say to him that won't freak him out or make him panic. He's acting manic about this, which I can understand, but there's a slim chance his family will hear that rumour. They aren't exactly active in Charlie's school life or social life, they just want him to go to a prestigious university, graduate top of his class, and get some job that doesn't bring shame onto the family. Just some very basic expectations for their son.

"Are you serious about them disowning you?" It easily could have been him overreacting, they'd be regarded as horrific people if they actually disowned him.

"Why do you ask? You're not proposing something batshit crazy, are you?" He is definitely going to panic.

"Just answer me." He's making me feel ill.

"No. I don't think they would, but they would be disappointed in me, along with their friends and my friends. But what does that matter?"

I want to slap him. He's made it out to be that his parents are abusive pricks who would disown him and degrade him for being gay, making me think I have to treat him better.

"What?" Is all I can muster up.

"Eggsy?" He sounds worried. This fucking dickhead is worried that I'm mad, that I'm going to scream at him, that I don't want to be friendly with him anymore.

"So your parents really wouldn't hurt you or abandon you for being gay? They wouldn't ditch you with another relative and cut ties with you?" My voice is slowly rising in volume, I don't want to yell at him but I feel so stupid for believing this bullshit even for a second.

He goes silent again. I don't hear from him for a good minute. I don't know what excuse he's coming up with, what he's going to try to apologise with. But all I know is that it's going to enrage me.

Charlie hangs up. I begin to call him again, to call him a coward, but before I can scream at him, I get a text. I end the call to read it.

_i was exaggerating. i should have thought before i told you that, i thought you wouldn't take it literally and get that they just wouldn't be happy with me being gay. should have worded it better, i guess._

**r u joking me??? ur fucking kiddng, rite?? ur blaming the misunderstaning on me whn u were in fucking tiers nd sayng that ud be disowned! fuck off hesketh.**

_i'm not trying to blame you! holy shit, unwin, you're so defensive._

I scowl. Once again, I hate Charlie Hesketh.

**fine. i know what i wnt u to do for my forgiveness.**

_sure. name it. at this point you deserve it._

**and i didnt bfore?**

**ok. u ask out the guy u like. u get over urself and be happy.**

_. . .i don't think it'll be that easy._

_he's not going to be happy with me._

**no, ur going to ask him out. just tell me who it is an ill help u.**

_sure, okay. what should i do?_

**who is he??**

_give me the tips, then i'll tell you._

**fine. ud better.**

**anyway. tone bck on being such a prick, wear less gross cologn, stop starting fites with ppl bc ur insecure w urself, look presentable, nd actually try w him.**

**so is it hugo or rufus?**

_neither. no need to be harsh._

**i think i deserve it.**

_okay. look, how about on monday we meet up before school, you can help me practice, and i'll ask him out._

**oh my GOD, hesketh, who is it?!**

_you really thought i was going to say and ruin the surprise? want a hint?_ **  
**

**its ryan, innit?**

_no. not at all, no. but he isn't someone you'd suspect._

**fine, charlie, be fucking misterious. see u monday.**

_hey, maybe we could meet up somewhere tomorrow or sunday?_

**y?**

_because i want to prove that i'm not a prick all the time. and prove to myself that you're not completely obnoxious._

**wow, ur actually going to try??**

**bttr then me.**

_tragic. my parents are out saturday night. want to come over then?_

**ur actully invitng me to ur house? arnt u worried im gonna steal all ur shit?**

_no. but if you want i'll humour you._

There. That's the Charlie I like. Still a bit of a prick, but tolerable. If this is what his friends see, than Charlie Hesketh might not be such an insufferable twat.

_here's our address, come by at eight thirty, they'll be gone by then._

**sure. first sleepover wo ur gang?**

_don't say that, i never got to braid their hair and watch girly movies with them, and we're not having the same, either._

_we'll be hanging out around my house, drinking, eating popcorn, and watching decent movies until we crash. sound good?_

**nd bfor we go to sleep we hire rentboys or just fuk each other?**

_. . ._

_see you then._


	4. Pretty Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an explanation of the names of the chapters for anyone who cares: they're the song/s I'm listening to while I'm writing that chapter. They're not thematically related to the chapter most of the time, but they could be in the future. I think it's obvious that "Pretty Girl" would relate in no way to a Cheggsy story, but you know. I use this because maybe you guys want to listen to some songs while reading it. If not, just ignore them, they don't have much relevance to the story at all so you're not missing out.

I haven't told Ryan or Jamal that I'm going to Charlie's. They would likely have a field day with the info, for all I know they're the perpetrators of some of the rumours about me and Charlie, there's no need to encourage them further.

cmon bruv, lets go out! u havnt hung w us in days.

**srry, have to watch dais tonite. catch u guys at school.**

_uve got to b lyin. u never pass us up on drinks._

**mayb im an old man now. want to stay in w my sister and watch coronation st.**

o no we lost him. rip eggsy unwin, he ws class til he end.

_til he started chattin w charlie, u mean._

ofc. he was mental in the end. but we still loved him. wat song u wanted played?

**guys ill be fine, see u on monday.**

_ok, if we can even believ u. sned us pics._

**sure. w hourly updates on the drama.**

ok. u go quiet we report ur death to the police.

I haven't heard from Charlie since Friday, I feel like I need to message him again to confirm that he does want me there and it wasn't just a joke.

* * *

When I arrive, Charlie is waiting outside the door. His house is large and white, it looks like it would be two flats stacked on each other, but the whole thing belongs to his parents. There's a gate in front of the walkway up to the door, a fence surrounding it. It looks four times the size of my flat, maybe more.

He's sitting on the doorstep, hunched over himself and staring at his phone screen. I go up to the gate. Shadows are falling over his face, I can't see him properly.

"Oi!" I yell, throwing my bag back over my shoulder.

Charlie looks up at me, smiling almost to himself before coming over to the gate. He's wearing yellow trousers, I start chuckling to myself as he draws closer.

"Hey. You like American films?" He leans over the gate, crossing his arms over each other before he stands back up. He doesn't allow me to answer before he leads me into the flat.

The flat is decorated like an IKEA ad, all perfectly coordinated and modern and trendy. He walks ahead of me, a bit fast, giving me a brief tour, showing me the room we were in during his party. It looks even more empty, somehow. I assume it's his parents' room, but he never says whether it is or isn't.

"So where are your parents?" I question him when he brings me into the living room. He turns to me after taking a moment to flip through a huge bookcase of DVDs. He chooses one, a boy and girl are embracing each other in front of a chalkboard, but I couldn't read the title. His eyes do not turn from the screen as he answers me.

"They're on a date night at _Clos Maggiore_ , Mum's been practicing her French banter for the past few days." He looks over at me, crossing his arms over his chest. "They tend to come back in the morning."

I nod, watching the screen when his gaze begins to linger.

"What about your parents? How did you get away from them without explaining you were coming to see me?" He is still watching me. The feeling is a bit uncomfortable. I turn to him, and his face is pleasant for once. Not twisted into some stupid sneer, his ridiculous features aren't being accentuated by some expression that just looks hideous on him. I look him over.

"I didn't tell my mum I was coming here. In fact, she thinks I'm staying with friends." I stand uncomfortably beside his sofa, my hip is level with his gaze.

He looks up at me, gesturing at the sofa before sitting down himself. Charlie sits very properly as he watches the previews go by. If this was his idea of fun, I wasn't enjoying it.

I sat on the couch, on the opposite side, one hand over the arm of the sofa and the other over the back of it. We watch a bit of the movie in silence, I find it weird we were saying absolutely nothing to each other and barely even acknowledging each other. I take my jacket off after a while and finally turn to look at him.

He'd been staring at me for a few moments, at the very least. He turns back to the TV immediately, but I don't stop looking. Charlie glances back at me occasionally throughout the rest of the movie and only when it's over do we talk once again.

It's been two hours I've been at his house and I already regret it.

Charlie looks a bit upset that I didn't seem to enjoy the movie, but he resolves to take me back upstairs and show me his room. His room is barely decorated, at least compared to mine: there is one bookshelf, filled with books that I don't get the chance to look more closely at, his bed looks untouched, and the only decoration he has is a picture of him and his family on his end table. His father is faintly smiling and holding his mother around the arm, she's smiling like she's on the red carpet, it does look like she forced it for the camera. Charlie and his brother are standing side-by-side, his brother was wearing his uniform and when I went in to get a closer look at the picture, Charlie directed my attention to something else.

"So, any plans?" I still haven't taken off my shoes, there's always the chance that he'll go get something and I can leave.

He gets nervous, grinning a bit and tucking his hands into his pockets.

"What do you like to do?" Charlie goes to grab something under his bed and pulls out a box.

"What any other guy our age likes. Drinking, smoking grass, sex, perpetually bothering guys who seem to be honest only to someone who they've bullied, stuff like that." I'm hoping he decides to play along.

He gestures for me to come over, he's just sat down on his bed, and he begins opening the box. I'm not surprised when he pulls out rolling papers and weed. A lighter lays in the box still.

"Maybe someday I'll catch you when you're vulnerable, get some secret out of you. Just to be fair, you know?"

* * *

We sprawl on his bed, Charlie's stacked a pillow underneath his head, I've thrown myself over the foot of the bed, and we've been chatting for a bit.

"I fucking hate Digby and their lot," his voice sounds a bit raspy, like his throat is dry. "All so concerned with their reputations in college that they refuse to publically like the things they like. Like Rufus, he loves theatre, but he thinks it's something he should be ashamed of. Hugo loves that Doctor Who show, which I'm certain nobody would make fun of him for watching."

I laugh, turning to look at him and grinning like a moron. I'm probably red in the cheeks and looking weird right now, but only once I've been giggling like a madman do I realise he said he hated his friends. They're all off the table, or maybe he's aware they're pricks, but he still likes one of them.

Charlie flops onto his side, recovering and using his arm to help him balance. I do the same.

"Then there's Digby. Oh my god, he's so fucking deep in the closet. He thinks saying he's bisexual is a death sentence. Who gives a shit? His parents wouldn't bat an eye, but he refuses to say anything."

I try to say something, but I can't seem to find the words.

"I don't think I'd go out with a guy that lies to himself about who he is. I mean, I do that, at least for a while I did, but I couldn't handle being with Digby." He keeps his gaze on mine, I can't bring myself to look anywhere else.

"So is it Rufus or Hugo?" I try to sound serious, but my tone is confused and lost. I think it's the eye contact.

He starts laughing hysterically, he looks just as ridiculous as he sounds. I didn't think my question was that funny. Had I really been that far off on who it was he was into?

Charlie leans in closer to me, grinning widely. I lean back, losing his face with how close he's getting. I smile back to be polite, but I can't tell what's going on.

"No, no. The personality between the both of them is almost nonexistent." We're coming closer, I nearly fall back and land on my other elbow.

"So, who is it you like?" My tone is lazy. I lie on my back, my eyes half-shut and that dumb smirk still stuck on my face.

He shifts on the bed and now he's hovering over me. His face is blurry, I tuck my arms underneath my head. Charlie is smirking now and his hand touches my chest. I'm confused, but I don't do anything.

"You still haven't guessed? Is the ego just for show, or are you fucking with me?" He laughs lethargically, petting down my shoulder.

"I give up, Charlie." I grin, reaching my hand up and grabbing his arm. "Just tell me who it is, I'll forget it if you want me to."

He smiles and throws himself on top of me, kneeling over me. I sit up on my elbows, using him for balance. We keep staring at each other, leaning into each other and grabbing each other. I wasn't sure why I was doing this with him, but I was pretty sure it was just us being friendly. He rests his temple against my cheek, whispering into my ear.

"Take a wild guess, Eggy," his voice is smooth, and I feel a small bite on my ear.

I pull back a bit while something in my chest flutters. I look up at him with my eyebrows furrowed and he pulls me in, I rest a hand on his shoulder. The disbelief is coming slowly, I'm having a hard time placing what it is I'm feeling right now. On one hand, I'm mildly disgusted that Charlie has been crushing on me this whole time and that I'm with him in his bed right now, feeling quite stupid I couldn't place it was me he liked. But, on the other hand, this hasn't been horrible.

The sobering part of my brain is telling me to leave and grass him out to Ryan and Jamal, but the rest of my brain is begging to stay.

I don't go anywhere.

Charlie finally kisses me. It's a bit awkward, like he hasn't done it in a while, not totally hopeless but not what I exactly expected from him. We stare at each other when he breaks the kiss. I 

I return it and we tangle further together. My thoughts stop careening and I just focus on what's going on right now. I'm kissing Charlie Hesketh, I'm pulling him closer, I'm trying to open his mouth along with mine. I'm slipping my hand down his torso and I'm making him moan.

I knot my fingers into his hair and he grabs my hips. I moan when he tightens his grip on me, I tug his hair, he doesn't like it like I thought he would, but he responds well when I bite his lip lightly. He presses his nails against my skin on accident, I whimper softly and arch my back. For a moment, he kisses down my neck, he starts sucking on a bit of my neck sloppily, he seems to be trying whatever he's seen in movies. He sucks too hard after a certain point, but I giggle and encourage him to keep going. Charlie kisses the spot once he's done.

I draw my leg up so I can grind on him, and he definitely enjoys that. We dry-hump for maybe ten minutes with a few breaks in between, and eventually he's back to kissing me.

It goes on for a while, I have my shirt off by the end of it and his is half-unbuttoned. We're both red in the face and we both look like we have no idea what we've just done. Charlie's lips are a bit swollen, mine feel a bit numb, I can feel sweat starting to cool on my face. What are you supposed to say when you've just intensely made out with someone who you would have considered an enemy a week ago? He seems to be questioning whether he should commence another session or not, it seems we both sobered up just when we were finishing up.

I stand up, searching for where Charlie threw my shirt, and he gets up to open a window. We meet up at the foot of his bed, he grins awkwardly and places his hand on the back of his neck. It's silent as we think over what we've done. I look back at him, he starts to open his mouth and I stand up.

"I think I should go." I begin to walk away, but he grabs my hand and turns me back around.

"Why? I thought you were going to stay over." He furrows his brow, he looks upset, but I try to pull away from him.

"Because we made out and I need to clear my fucking head," I try to make my voice sterner, but his face turns sombre. I don't want to reject him, I've done the exact opposite of rejecting him tonight, but I'm so horrified as to what I'll do if I stay any longer.

He basically pleads.

"Just stay, please. I can't tell the guys, why don't we just talk? I won't make you do anything like that again." Charlie sighs, he sounds sincere.

I should go back, I'd be better off going home and just texting him, but I feel like a bit of a coward, trying to avoid my problems. I'm shaming myself into staying with Charlie, but as long as we were sober, I wouldn't do anything stupid or regrettable.

"Fine. But what are we going to do now?" I sit back down with him on his bed and he seems confused.

He proposes that we go out and go to a club, and while it sounds tempting, I reject it.

"I think we should stay here. I mean, what would we do if your friends or my friends saw us together?" I argue, I have some desire to stay at his house and just spend time with him, which is what I thought this was going to be. Well, that's what I thought he would want it to be.

All night we try to keep away from each other. There's tension in the room all night, but we refrain from doing anything stupid like earlier. We fall asleep on the sofa, having watched a few more movies I didn't bother to invest myself in while I tried to keep a conversation going with him.

"Was that your first time making out with somebody else?" I ask, my curiosity has gotten to me and I cannot get my mind off of it like I thought I'd be able to.

Charlie says nothing at first. He looks confused, maybe he thinks that I'm trying to propose something, but eventually he does understand.

"No. There were a few girls before you, but I didn't like it as much as I did with you." He smiles at me faintly, but I widen my eyes and turn away. I rest my cheek on my hand, not sure what it is I should respond with. Turning him down would feel cruel, but I don't like him. I don't want to encourage him to try to pursue anything with me but I wasn't entirely dissatisfied when we made out earlier.

I keep thinking back on how he bit my ear. I really liked it, if I was being honest, but I wasn't going to say I liked it. I wasn't even going to imply now that I liked it.

Charlie scoots closer to me on the sofa, I don't focus on the movie that he's turned his attention back to. I glance at him when I know he won't look back. Why doesn't his face look as ridiculous as I remember it being? He actually looks kind of nice.

Goddammit, I must be high. That has to be it. Because a sober version of me would never find Charlie Hesketh even mildly attractive. He's some dickhead who bullies me to keep up appearances, a dickhead who tries to convince me he has human emotions like romantic attraction, and that he's also somehow in love with me even though he treats me like shit.

I'll actually think about it when my head doesn't feel a few pounds too heavy and I'm not right next to him. I'll at least pretend I'm going to think about it later.


End file.
